nokiabae:

my biggest fear is I’m married & my husband says, “let’s cut sugar out of our diet” so I have to leave with the kids in the middle of the night

(via humorking)

heart:

DONT EVER SLEEP WITH THE CLOSET DOOR OPEN ITS SO DARK AND UNKNOWN AND SOMETHING WILL SUCK YOU IN

(via greetings)

baconsloth:

deoxyhemoglobin:

I was chatting with a donor before I drew his blood, and he was a dentist. when I actually drew him, there was just a little squirt of blood and it surprised him

I looked him in they eye and told him “you’re bleeding because you don’t floss”

and he went dead silent

had the opportunity and fucking seized it

(via hotboyproblems)

meanfaggot:

Paris: “yah”

(Source: beyonseh, via zackisontumblr)

vinegod:

This is the most beautiful day by Marlon Webb

(via dutchster)